


Time-Travelling Trolls

by WinterIsComing (CrystalNavy)



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Family, Loyalty, Semi-Crack, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:01:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21595786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalNavy/pseuds/WinterIsComing
Summary: Ten different characters travel back in time and proceed to troll everyone, while subtly manipulating events so that they come out on top.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 20





	1. The Wit and Witticism of the Overlooked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shireen writes provocative letters.

It was another dull day here in no man's land, with nothing to do but stare out of the window and write poetry. Writing......

Suddenly, a large smile bloomed on her face. She had a perfect way to spend her afternoon, one that could potentially start things off for her and her time-traveling. It helped that she was practically not considered a true player, either, which would give her free rein. And no one would suspect her.

With a new determination, Shireen Baratheon began writing.

-x-

Oberyn re-read the letter he held in his hand.

Dear Oberyn,

I am coming. Expect me in three days or less. I will kill you as I killed your sister.

With kind regards. Not.

The Mountain

Oberyn crumpled the letter in his hand and threw it into the fire, eyes blazing. This would not go unanswered.

-x-

"I was told to give you this by a friend of mine." the cupbearer announced, bowing politely

"Let's see what it says." Tywin Lannister opened the letter and began to read it silently

To the proud Lions,

Eddard Stark isn't the only one who knows. I know too, and I am just biding my time. 

I will run the blade through your gut when you least expect it.

The Unknown

P.S: The Rains of Castamere, bitch.

-x-

A rock smashed the window and fell onto the floor.

There was a note attached to the said rock. Ramsay picked it up.

Dear dog-lover,

Reek, Reek, it rhymes with I will smash your face in, freak.

I will get you for you've done to my son.

Watch your ass, fuckboi.

The Grudgeholder

-x-

Shireen smiled. She had already set several of the players who could pose real trouble to her allies and herself at one another's throat.

And it wasn't even dusk yet.

Not bad for a day's work.


	2. Discussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several siblings have a discussion.

Tyrion took another sip of the wine. 

"An excellent idea, dear sister." he coughed "Almost as good as when you decided to emulate Targaryens....."

"What are you getting at?" Cersei raised an eyebrow

"Oh, nothing." he stood up "Have a pleasant afternoon, dear siblings, and try not to push children out of windows while you're at it."

With that, he exited the chamber, humming all the while. 

Cersei and Jaime stared at one another, bewildered.

"What did he mean by those?" Cersei frowned

-x-

Tyrion, Bran, Jon, and Arya met in an abandoned building.

"So, Shireen is turning our enemies against one another already." Tyrion whispered "Including my father."

"We have to be extra careful." Jon added "No one is to suspect we have a hand in any of this."

"True enough." Arya agreed "And if one of us slips up, call me, and I'll dispatch any potential witnesses. Even the Queen. Especially the Queen."

"Let's hope it won't come to that." Tyrion said "She is still my family, no matter what she's done."

"Family is everything indeed." Bran spoke up sadly

"Well, I have to go." Tyrion announced "Cersei will get suspicious if I am gone for too long. Oh, and do be careful, Bran."

With that, he left. The Stark siblings were left alone.

"He is right, you know." Arya surmised "You and Rickon are our little brothers, and it's up to me and Jon to protect the two of you. No one else in our family knows what we know."

"I will try." Bran said "But it's my hobby."

"Maybe we can install safety nets somewhere?" Jon suggested

"A good idea." Arya nodded enthusiastically

-x-

Jon, Hodor and two others were hammering away, while people of Winterfell were watching. All of them - Lord Eddard included - approved of the idea, considering that they would be protecting one of the potential heirs of Winterfell.

"Well, it's done." Jon rubbed his hands

The safety nets were erected at the bottom of every tall tower in Winterfell.

People slowly began to disperse, until Jon was the only one who remained.

"Ready?" he called

"Ready!" Arya replied

She, Bran and Rickon appeared at the top of a tower, and all three leaped from the ledge at the same time, landing on the safety net. It stopped their descent, leaving them dazed, but otherwise unharmed.

"It works." Jon said with wonder "Thank God Tyrion taught us how to make one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I wanna save my favorite character, so I had them do that. You know what I mean.


	3. Animosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Animosity is in the air, complete with some jokes from the future. Tyrion tries to help in his own way.

Theon Greyjoy sat beside Jon Snow and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. The time traveler looked at him with a glare that could freeze a desert.

"Get your hands off me." the time traveler hissed "Or I will chop them off."

"Why the sudden hostility?" 

"I don't have to explain that to someone like you."

Theon watched as Jon abruptly stood up and stalked over to join Bran and Arya, who were having a practice duel.

"I will have to wash my coat." Theon overheard Jon mutter 

He watched as Jon gave Bran and Arya pointers in a warm voice. It was like someone had pulled the switch.

-x-

"Why is Jon so hostile to me?" Theon asked

Bran and Arya regarded him for a while, before staring him down with cold eyes.

"Why, I thought it would be obvious, Reek." Arya suddenly said, using the name Ramsay gave him in the future to show her disdain "We trusted you, considered you as our honorary sibling, and when you should have come through for us, you stabbed us in the back. Do you know, do you think, how much that hurt us?"

"So we'd give you one more chance." Bran didn't even look up "Prove to us that you're not that kind of man, and we'll accept you back. If not, you're out for good."

Nothing more was said, as Bran and Arya moved away. 

Tyrion took their place beside Theon.

"Betrayal hurts." Tyrion said without preamble, looking at the duel "It hurts them, and it hurts you. And in the end, you're the only one who can fix it."

Bran thrust his sword forward, and Arya blocked his strike.

"This is your test." Tyrion continued "It would take a long time for you to pass it, but you have to. It takes bravery to stand and fight, but it takes even more bravery to admit that you made a mistake and atone for it."

"I suppose I can focus on Sansa and Robb......"

"You can try." Tyrion shrugged "But Jon, Arya, and Bran won't let you come anywhere near them or Rickon."

"Then how do I....?

"There is always a way." Tyrion replied cryptically "To get what you want. Some are more difficult than others, but it's worth it in the end. Especially when your goal is getting your family back, whether it's biological or family of choice."

"Teach me, then."

"Come with me." Tyrion commanded 

They shut themselves up in Tyrion's private.

"Well, the first lesson is this." Tyrion began "If you want the Starks - your family of choice - to forgive you, you have to isolate yourself from all their enemies, including your biological family. To begin, you will try not to talk to me for the next hour, for my family name makes me their enemy too. You may peruse anything here to help you achieve this. Once you complete this step, we can move on."


	4. Action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time travelers finally take a direct action.

The day was going pretty smoothly for Littlefinger. He would come out on top in the end, he knew. He just needed to side with the right people. 

He stepped outside into the courtyard, and was immediately accosted by men in gold cloaks. With them was Tyrion Lannister.

"We received an anonymous tip that you had the previous Hand of the King, Jon Arryn, murdered with help from his wife, and tried to blame it on our house." Tyrion proclaimed grandly "Do I need to remind you what happened to Reynes and Tarbecks?"

Littlefinger paled in response to this. 

"Do with him as you see fit." Tyrion said "I give you free rein on this matter."

But before the gold cloaks could do anything, an arrow lodged itself into Littlefinger's throat. Arya stood on the other side of the yard, smirking. She held a wooden bow in one hand.

-x-

It had already begun. A figure crept into the small bedroom, while the three Lannister children slept. The figure woke Tommen and Myrcella quietly.

"We've gotta hurry." the figure said quietly

Then they scooped Tommen and Myrcella up and left the chambers as quietly as they came.

"I know something about innocents being blamed for the sins of their parents, and that won't be your fate." the figure promised them

They put Tommen and Myrcella astride a horse before mounting themselves. Then they rode out of King's landing, never to return.

Bran Stark and Arya Stark emerged from their hiding place.

"Theon did his part well. Now you can assassinate Joffrey freely." Bran turned to his sister

Arya's smirk got wider.

-x-

Theon flopped onto the seat, drumming his fingers on the table.

"Booze for me." he bellowed "Milk for the kids."

Tommen and Myrcella were struggling to stay awake.

"We can put you to bed once you drink your milk." Theon said "Milk's good for the bones."

He recalled the events of last night which led to his decision.

_  
Tyrion was staring directly at him, and Theon looked away._

_"Now for the next step of the lesson. You have to be selfless."_

_"Selfless?" Theon repeated_

_"My sister received a written threat last night." Tyrion went on "Someone is planning to assassinate my niece and nephews. While my eldest nephew is a pile of shit, the younger ones aren't."_

_"And you want me.....?"_

_"Prove that you are selfless." Tyrion's eyes blazed "Save Tommen and Myrcella from being assassinated. It will benefit you as well. The Starks will trust you more, and when the time comes, you can use Tommen and Myrcella."  
_

Theon yawned. Tyrion had been right. It will all pay off somehow, he knew it in his bones.

-x-

Arya stood above Joffrey's bed, a poison-coated blade in her hands.

Nymeria was keeping watch outside, making sure she won't be interrupted.

With Joffrey dead, Tommen would inherit the Iron Throne once Robert died, and his kind nature would ensure her father lived.

"Goodbye, Joffrey." she whispered "May your death bring about the happier and brighter future."

With those words, she buried her blade into Joffrey's thigh, before pulling it out. The poison would do the rest.

She left, petting Nymeria once she did. The direwolf followed her, letting out contented noises.


	5. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time-travelers talk in private.

They gathered in an unused room. Tyrion was sitting in a comfy chair, with Theon standing behind him. The Starks occupied the rest of the chairs in that room.

"What's he doing here?" Arya demanded, glaring at Theon 

"He is here as my confidante." Tyrion said off-handedly "Me and Shireen both vouch for him. He successfully smuggled Myrcella and Tommen over to her place of residence, as instructed. He is trying his best, so try to be more tolerable."

"If it's true, then it won't be long now before we are all family." Bran said 

"Speaking of family." Tyrion turned to Jon "How does it feel knowing you're the heir of two houses?"

"Strange." Jon answered, somewhat uncertainly "Regardless of my blood, however, I would always be a Stark in spirit."

"Then you understand how he feels." Tyrion remarked sharply "He wants to be a true Stark, more than anything else, yet you're shunning him."

"Maybe." Jon muttered crossly "But that still doesn't excuse what he is done."

"Tyrion is right." Bran said "This needs to end. We grew up together, and we can't stay enemies forever."

"May I suggest a final test?" Tyrion asked 

"That is acceptable, but we set the terms." Bran agreed

"Go on." Theon finally spoke

"We want Ramsay Bolton's head." Bran stated clearly "How it is done is up to you. You may choose any accomplice who isn't in this room as well."

-x-

"I remember the good old days." Robert laughed heartily "Too bad I can't go dragon hunting anymore. There are no dragons left on this side of the sea."

At those words, Jon paled a bit. Arya, who stood beside him, gave him a reassuring squeeze.

"He won't kill you, not as long as I am breathing." she mouthed "And I know lots of tricks that will let me keep breathing for a long time to come."

Ned Stark, too, laughed nervously. Thankfully, Robert didn't notice.

Catelyn, on the other hand, kept shooting dirty looks at Jon. The time travelers managed to convince her to let Jon come to King's Landing, mostly by refusing to go without him, but she had yet to come around.

-x-

"You what?" Stannis bellowed

"Calm down, father." Shireen said calmly 

"You are really going to stand behind that.....that......"

"I'd appreciate it if you refrain from calling my friend such names." Shireen replied coldly "Yes, I am declaring for Tommen, and yes, I am aware this means I am giving up my rights as the future queen. But let's face it, they will never accept either you or me in any position of rulership, father. But there are more ways of ruling than sitting on the throne. We can rule through Tommen."

"Then we have nothing more to say to one another." Stannis turned around 

"Have it your way, then, father." Shireen stood up "But we'll both crash and burn if you continue this silly campaign of yours. Let's go, Tommen, Myrcella."

She strode out of the hall, and her two cousins who weren't really her cousins followed, casting fearful looks at Stannis.

"What happened?" Tommen asked quietly

"I had a dream that father had me burned at the pyre to further his ambition." Shireen revealed 

Tommen and Myrcella looked at her, horrified.

"That's horrible." Tommen stammered

"Don't worry about it." Shireen smiled "Your reaction proves I've made the right choice."


	6. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of the time-travelers, except one, have nightmares.

A young girl was screaming.

"Daddy, no." she pleaded "Daddy, please....."

It was to no avail. Her parents watched impassively as flames licked her body. 

The flames burned, causing her pain. 

She screamed for her parents, and the flames rose higher.

And then she knew no more.

Shireen woke up in cold sweat. The images were vivid in her head.

Her parents, who occupied the other two beds in the room, were sleeping peacefully.

Shireen breathed in and out in an attempt to calm herself down.

Parents who murdered their own children were the worst sort of parents.

-x-

Multiple scenes passed through her head.

Father's head being chopped off with his own sword.

Robb and mother dying due to treachery. 

Jon being smashed to pieces by Robert for being half Targaryen.

Bran with both legs broken.

She, a slave to a cult who didn't value personal feelings, or know mercy.

Theon being tortured by Ramsay.

Sansa being used as a puppet by unscrupulous people.

Arya woke up, and tears were falling from her eyes. She managed to compose herself.

She was an assassin, and if she had to kill half of the realm in order for her family to be safe, she would bloody well do that.

Doors opened. Jon and Bran stepped inside, sitting on either side of her.

"You had the same dream?" she asked quietly 

"More or less." Jon told her

Bran simply nodded, in lieu of an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the reason why Tyrion has no nightmares is because he never experienced any traumatic events as far as I know. If I am wrong, please let me know in the comments.


	7. The Killing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain psychopathic bastard dies in a brutal manner.

Theon and Shireen walked through the gardens of Storm's End.

"I think a part of it is due to the fact that Ramsay tried to torture you into insanity." Shireen said

"So, you're all from the future?" Theon had yet to wrap his head around the whole concept

"Jon, Tyrion, Bran, Arya and I are." Shireen confirmed "Don't know about anyone else, though. We may find others who are also from the future in time. I'd say that Daenerys is the prime candidate. Now, as for your task, I believe setting his own dogs on him is the best choice."

"Then that's what I will do."

"I can't come with you." Shireen smiled "I'd love to see that bastard get his just desserts, but revealing my true allegiance too early would endanger Tommen and Myrcella."

Theon nodded.

"But I can offer you some supplies." Shireen continued "Like this dagger. Use it only if nothing else works. I asked Lady Melisandre to imbue it with ancient magic."

-x-

According to what Shireen and others told him, this forest was Ramsay's favorite hunting ground.

Sure enough, a young and naked woman ran through the woods, chased by three hunting dogs. They were gaining on her, slowly but surely.

Theon crept closer, and was able to make a cut on Ramsay's arm. The dogs were trained to smell blood, according to Shireen. Even the minute cut such as this would send them into a frenzy.

Sure enough, the dogs surrounded Ramsay, who tried to fend them off, to no avail.

They began to bite into his flesh, tearing off large chunks of it, until he finally stopped moving.

Theon cut off his head and placed it into a sack he was carrying. 

He still had a return trip to make.

-x-

"How is the reading going?" Shireen sat beside Tommen

She was determined to make him into a decent King and a person, one who won't have people killed merely because they threatened his position.

"I am learning all sorts of interesting things." Tommen beamed at her

"That is good." Shireen smiled back

Tommen's smile was indeed infectious.

"But you have to meet the common people too." she added "It will help you become a better King. I am friendly with a couple of them. Today, I'll introduce you to Patchface."


	8. Family Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a son kills his father.

Everything was going smoothly. Too smoothly. Tyrion couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong.

He had his own part to play, but he doubted he could do it. Last time, there was anger involved. Much anger. He wasn't sure if he could actually bring himself to do it this time.

On the other hand, it needed to be done. He would do anything in his power to protect his future wife and her family from suffering, even if it meant doing the unforgivable.

He lifted up a crossbow, feeling its weight in his hands.

Decision made, he walked over to his father's chambers and knocked three times.

"Come in." a voice invited

Tyrion opened the door carefully. His father was sitting on a rocking chair, covered with a blanket.

"Hello, father." Tyrion greeted

"I was just about to summon you." Tywin coughed "I don't have much time left, so I have to secure my house's continued existence."

"You don't have to worry about that." Tyrion snorted "Jaime and Cersei produced three heirs through incestuous intercourse."

"I know." Tywin lifted a hand to silence his son "That's why I need you to produce some as well, for extra reassurance."

Tyrion nearly choked himself in disbelief. His father knew, and approved of the incest. He doomed Tommen and Myrcella to experiencing constant doubt by political rivals, such as Stannis Baratheon. He sacrificed a noble man just to keep up this lie. And for what?

All doubt he may have felt evaporated in an instant.

"I will marry." Tyrion said in a strong voice "But I will marry Sansa Stark and no one else."

His father gaped at him, and in the same moment, he discharged crossbow bolts one after another. All three of them struck his father directly in the chest.


	9. The Pack of Wolves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth finally comes out.

Varys stared at the two people in front of him. Arya Stark and Jon Snow stared back at him, unblinking.

"We thank you for helping us to save our father." Arya finally decided to break the silence "Now, the reason we're here is because we have to talk to you in private. We have some information that you might find....interesting."

"Well, then." Varys smiled, though he seemed more alert than usual "Lead the way."

They lead him to the same unused chamber. Bran, Tyrion and Theon were already there. Jon, Arya and Varys claimed the unoccupied chairs for themselves.

"So what is this information?" Varys inquired

"You know the official account of Robert's rebellion and how it started?" Arya began

"The official record says that Lyanna, his betrothed, was kidnapped and raped. She and her child both died." Varys statted "But there is more to that story, I take it?"

"Indeed there is." Arya sighed "Normally, we wouldn't be telling you this, but you'll find out on your own eventually. This way, we can do this on our own terms."

"And those terms are?"

"You won't tell anybody else what we tell you." Arya said "And in exchange, we won't tell Robert about your little plot."

"That's acceptable." Varys nodded "Go on."

"Aunt Lyanna died on that day." Arya began her story "But her child, and Rhaegar's child, survived."

"And where is that child now?"

"You're looking at them." Arya stated simply

Varys' eyes darted between the other occupants of the room several times, before he grinned widely

"Oh, I see." he spoke "Very clever."

"Remember our deal." Arya said sternly "Robert can't know. And if he somehow learns about this, then he will also learn about a certain plan of yours."

-x-

"No fair." Tommen pouted "You took me by surprise."

Instead of responding, Shireen threw another snowball at him. This one collided with his head, and powdered snow got stuck all over his hair.

"Life is not fair, Tommen." Shireen said "That's one of the first lessons you need to learn. There are people with no morals, who will stop at nothing to get one over you. You can't let them, not when you want to create a better life for everyone."

"I'll do that." Tommen said with newfound determination "And I'll stop the warriors of Winter, too, just like you told me."

"That's right, Tommen." Shireen smiled "You must order the mass production of obsidian weapons if you want to stop them."


	10. The War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not all wars are fought with weapons.

It was time.

Arya stood up and cleaned the blade thoroughly.

"Are you sure about that?" Jon inquired, startling her

"Yes." Arya replied, after regaining her composure "The Lannister twins are getting uneasy, and Tyrion can't delay the inevitable much further. That's why we need to kill him earlier than we had planned."

"Won't you get caught?"

"Faceless Men don't get caught." Arya said cheekily "We get the job done, that's all."

-x-

"You want to duel me?" Robert Baratheon chortled

"I want to test my prowess against a seasoned warrior, such as yourself." Arya bowed

Robert laughed even louder, if that were possible. 

"All right." he agreed

Arya pulled out her Needle. The sword was precious, as was the person who gave it to her. 

She wasn't doing this just because of politics. She knew that Robert was anti-Targaryen to the core. If he knew that one of the remaining Targaryens was within reach.....

Arya shuddered, before straightening up. She couldn't show weakness, not now.

She launched a surprise attack against Robert, stabbing his arm. He retaliated by a practiced swing of his own sword - he chose not to use his hammer, fearing he might harm her if he did - which she easily parried.

Needle was covered with poison, and one stab was enough to kill. Robert's death would give the Lannisters what they wanted, and it would give the Starks what they wanted as well.

Tommen on the Throne.

She chanced a glance at Jon, who smiled at her.

-x-

He thrust his sword into the woman. Another corpse, another soldier for his side.

Soon, he would have an army with which to invade. The vast lands to the south would soon belong to him and his people. A land of their own.

They would no longer be confined to the small strip of unhabitable land. They would have the world, in which they would survive and thrive.


End file.
